A Month of Things: ME! Part 1

Over the past few months I have tried to get myself to post on Google+ everyday by giving myself a monthly topic. Last month it was movie reviews, but this month it’s all about me! I thought, since Google+ is a social networking site, posting a little bit about myself for others might be helpful in making new friends and what not. Now, I didn’t start this as a blogging challenge because the posts are usually small and wouldn’t work well here; however, I thought I would post them in groups here for the benefit of people who don’t use Google+. Besides, what’s the point of having a personal blog if you don’t talk about yourself right? 😉 hehe

Dec. 1st:
It’s December! A new month is upon us! For me that means a new month of projects. Hmm… I think I am going to do “A Month of Things” this time, posting-wise anyways. That would be where you pick a topic and then write something each day about that topic, in my case I pick me! I think I am going to try and come up with 31 things this month about myself that people might not know about me. Since this is a social networking site I thought that might be useful for whomever happens to come across my profile 😛

Let’s get started! #1: Kids. Why did I pick this to start with? Because my sister just had her first and so both she and my mom were asking about my views on having kids today when I went to visit them. Do I want them? No. Despite my mom’s desire for me to have kids I really don’t care for the idea and my sister agrees that I’m really just not that kind of individual (neither is Chris). If it happens, fine, but I am not going to try by any means. In fact, I will try to avoid it by all means xD I don’t hate kids or anything like that, my niece is awesome as are my friend’s kids, I just don’t want any myself. I am completely content living a childfree lifestyle.

Dec. 2nd:
It’s time for round 2 in “A Month of Things” and, since I will be going soon, lets talk about sleep. Pretty much sleep hates me but I love it. I suffer from several different sleep problems that all seem to work together perfectly to screw up my day plans. Firstly, my sleep cycle is delayed which means I naturally want to sleep from around 4am to noon (that’s when my brain sends out what little melatonin it produces). If I am allowed to sleep then and wake up on my own then I am generally peachy keen but it never works out that way 😛 Secondly, I suffer from insomnia on a regular basis. My head hits the pillow and it’s like a shot of caffeine for me. It takes me about two hours to fall asleep after I lie down and that’s with nothing on my mind. Thirdly, which plays into the whole insomnia thing, I naturally produce very little melatonin… that chemical that makes you sleepy. I have to take two melatonin pills a night, one that puts me out and one that keeps me out. If I just took the first then I would wake up in 4-5 hours and not be able to fall back asleep (unless I take another pill), if I just took the second then I would suffer the whole insomnia thing until I finally passed out but I would sleep longer. Lastly, I am a light sleeper so when I sleep I need it to be dark, quiet, and comfortable. The slightest breeze can wake me up… so it really doesn’t help that Chris shakes his feet alllllll night long xP

Give me a life where I can sleep from 4 till noon and I would probably suffer less insomnia and need less melatonin (but both those issues would still hang around). Unfortunately, I have to live my someone else’s sleep schedule which means most of the time I don’t get enough sleep (or good sleep for that matter) and I spend much of the day either trying to wake up or trying to fall asleep. It’s amazing that I get anything done… I also suffer several health issues that cause trouble with sleep but that’s another post. For now I am going to try and get some rest! Night!

Dec. 3rd:
In yesterday’s “A Month of Things” I mentioned health issues and that’s going to be the topic of #3. It’s actually something I get asked a lot about since I wear a medical alert pendant and people always ask me if I am diabetic… I’m not and I think people really need to learn that those pendants are worn by other people too! 😛 Anyway, I wear one because I have a severe allergy to Penicillin… severe as in it will kill me (and pretty silently too). That includes the medicine and the actual mold btw so I can’t be around moldy food or I will get sick just from breathing in the spores.  Basically it breaks open all of my blood vessels and I’d die of internal bleeding… fun!

Another issue I suffer from is cold intolerance. It’s a weird thing too cause I always feel cold and my body temp is usually around 97 degrees, but if I get hit with a wisp of cold air or something then it’s like that tingly feeling all over your body when you get scared or something. Then my insides start protesting, think getting stabbed in the gut with multiple knifes, and I have to curl up under my blankets some more. Pretty much my temp sensors go into overdrive and start thinking each little blast of cold air is a red alert 😛 This issue, of course, is a complete contradiction to my next one which has to do with heat. There is something up with my sinuses (don’t know what) but if I get over worked or stay out in the sun for, say an hour, it feels like my head is going to implode from the pressure that builds up. So my head doesn’t like the heat but the rest of my body doesn’t like the cold… make up your mind body!!

While there are a few other health concerns, I am not going to bore you with everything, but I am going to finish with this one: I suffer from anorexia. Anorexia, NOT anorexia nervosa. Learn the difference. Some people think it would be great to not be hungry and thus not eat as much cause they think it would help them loose weight… doesn’t work that way. When you don’t eat or eat very little, your body saves every. single. calorie. Not only that, but your body also goes into a sort of hibernation mode and you don’t burn as many calories as a normal person would. So what you end up with is more weight or plateaued weight, excessive tiredness, vitamin deficiencies, lots of headaches, severe hungry pains (something that wakes me up in the night, especially after a day where I only eat like 2 large muffins)… basically your body is starving and is crying out in every way it knows how to get you to eat except the one way that we humans recognize we’re hungry because, for some reason or another, the switch to say ‘hey you’re hungry eat something’ doesn’t work.

So that’s it for today. I’m a sleep deprived anorexic who’s allergic to penicillin and has no sense of temperature control. I love my body… xD

Dec. 4th:
I was going to post this earlier but I got distracted by my “A Month of Things” Topic #4: MDD or Major depressive disorder. Why is this listed by itself and not with the other health issues in #3? Because I feel MDD is something that deserves its own post; not just for me, but because of how big an issue it is for so many. I’m certainly starting to feel it edge its way into my life at the moment (even though I know it’s just the MDD talking, it’s still talking directly into my ear). Before I go any further, however, I will point out that I am someone how suffers from MDD but does not have any thoughts of suicide; so please don’t freak out too much xP

It’s hard to describe MDD to someone who has never felt it, like describing snow to someone who has never left the desert. The scene in What Dreams May Come, where Annie is in hell is a good example; no matter how hard someone tries, when you’re in its clutches, you’re lost and no amount of what you used to love will help. I am lucky in some ways that my level is somewhere between mild and chronic, meaning it can hang around for a long time but it is not a 24/7 thing. Sometimes I can pinpoint what triggered it and sometimes there is no reason whatsoever. I try to remind myself that I have plenty to be thankful for but when you’re deep into MDD, that doesn’t work the same as if you were just experiencing normal depression.

At its most severe I have slept for 16 hours a day and not been able to drag myself out of bed or eat anything. And when I say I wasn’t able to get out of bed, I mean that literally (save for going to the bathroom of course but that’s all I can muster). I don’t cry, at least not often, because at that point it just seems futile. My saving grace though, which I know is a luxury denied to many with MDD, is that it can randomly disappear in the same manner as it randomly started. My friends in high school thought I was bi-polar for the longest time until I finally told them what was going on. The problem with telling other people, though, is that many don’t take it seriously and they get an attitude like “oh just shake it off, you’ll feel better tomorrow.” It’s not the same thing as regular depression where a good night’s sleep will make everything peachy (and yes I know that doesn’t always apply). The brain physically no longer responds to pleasurable stimuli… no amount of “just shake it off” is going to help until you get some drugs in you or (like in my case) your brain starts working again or both.

It’s a depressing topic, I know (no pun intended :P), but I think it’s something that needs to be brought up more often. Like the difference between anorexia and anorexia nervosa, people need to learn the difference between regular depression and MDD. Thankfully my thoughts never reach that suicidal point, but I know several people’s who do and it’s a very scary position to be in both as that person with MDD and the one on the other side trying to help. You can’t just say “shake it off,” you can’t just do the minimum. MDD is the long haul; you better bring your hiking boots, the terrain is going to be bumpy. Make sure you know just how bad it really is before you start acting like it’s no big deal or that it’s just a phase. You have no idea how much that attitude can hurt someone who is already severely hurting.

Dec. 5th:
Ok time for a more cheerful post! “A Month of Things” topic #5: fruity goodness. Yep, I’m one of those weird girls who prefers fruity candy over chocolate. I know, crazy right? Don’t get me wrong, I like chocolate too (but only when it’s frozen or in drink form) but fruity anything has always won me over. I just don’t get what the appeal is for chocolate, especially dark chocolate… blah 😛 Chris knows better than to buy me a box of chocolates, in fact one of the best things he ever bought me was a 5 pound bag of gummy bears xD haha

Something that has always bugged me about the debate over chocolate vs fruity candy is how people often mistake what they like for chocolate. Like when people say they like a ‘chocolate’ candy bar or truffle but what they really like is the caramel or the nougat rather than the chocolate. I certainly love the toffee in a Heath bar but could do without the chocolate.

As for types, with chocolate, if I am going to eat chocolate (like just chocolate and not a candy bar) than it has to be Cadbury. I rarely eat just chocolate though cause I like it mixed with stuff (caramel, almonds, etc). And fruity? OMG anything haha but I love sour and strong flavors best. Sour belts are probably one of my favorite things ever :3 Skittles, Starburst, Sour Patch, Gummy Bears/Worms, Taffy, Sweettarts, Jolly Ranchers, on and on do not last long in this apartment! It’s weird though because I don’t actually eat/like most regular fruit, but I am a texture eater so that’s probably why. Not to mention, the extra bit of sugar really helps on those insomnia driven days 😛

Blarg this is making me want to go to the store and get a random mixed bag of goodies xD I think I’ll plan a trip to Sweet Factory….

Dec. 6th:
What’s the point of winter with no snow? That’s the question of “A Month of Things” topic: 6 I want snow! Everyone things I’m nuts. They give me weird looks when I say that… maybe it’s because Michiganders are so used to big annoying snow storms I don’t know, but I like snow. Actually, I should say that I like the changing of the seasons rather than I like snow. I like watching it change from spring to summer to fall to winter. It’s natural and beautiful and we shouldn’t be ungrateful for all that the seasons give us.

Unfortunately, however, here in Michigan we have had a severe lack of snow for the past few winters. In a state were the joke is “almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction” what’s Michigan without its snowy havoc? Hell, what’s Christmas without snow? I might be crazy, but I miss the days when it was full on snow for Thanksgiving and it didn’t clear up until late February. I never wanted to go out and get all cold and wet (you’d know why if you read my earlier post on health issues), but I loved the sight of it and just find it completely wrong when there isn’t any during the one time of year we’re supposed to have lots.

Winter is the start of renewal, a time to pull back and remind ourselves of what is really important and of the fact that we almost always spread ourselves too thin over the rest of the year. At least that’s part of the meaning to me anyways. The snow is kind of like the seasons way of telling you ‘hey, stay inside and deal with your own shit before running around for someone else’s.” The internet has pretty much defunct that though. Some people say winter and snow and all that is depressing but for me not seeing it, at least for a little while, is depressing. I can do without endless months of green, I want some white!

Dec. 7th:
I didn’t get to writing anything yesterday for “A Month of Things” because I was busy doing my submissions for “Written in the Mitten” and then relaxing afterwards 😛 So I’ll post two today, starting with topic #7 I don’t care if I get published. …O.o I know, saying that right after I just made a post about submitting some pieces to be published, I must be crazy! When it comes right down to it though, I don’t write for the money or the fame or to call myself a “professional” writer, I just like writing.

I like being a part of the writing world at the level that I’m at, doesn’t mean I’m going to say no to being published, I just don’t mind if it never happens. I don’t care about “being discovered” just for the sake of being discovered, I’m just having fun doing what I love and if something comes from that then great. If nothing comes from it, other than some random people online get to enjoy a few of my stories that happened to catch their attention, that’s fine too.

I like being able to interact with other people and not have to worry about being bombarded too lol

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