Life
The world through my eyes


We got a new manager at work a bit after that and no one could stand working with her. Connie has a thick Japanese accent and you can't understand her or read her writing. Once when I was at work, I cut my finger really bad and couldn't do anything because it wouldn't stop bleeding. I went into the office to get a new bandage because the one I had on had bleed through and she came in, all mad, saying "Are you going to help out or not?". She was referring to if I was going to get the register or answer the phone. I just wanted to scream at her! I can't write with my finger bleeding and besides that, it's not something the customers should see! The same day she yelled at me for talking to Amy ABOUT WORK. We were both getting our jobs done and we were talking about how we had to do this new thing with green peppers. She walked over and told me (not Amy) literally to 'shut up'! Yet she spent the entire night talking to Adam, Kurt, and Zac about everything but work.

Next, she told Jeff to stop doing dishes and told me to start doing them. That is not how we work! We finish the job we are doing before we do something else, besides there was like two dishes left and all they needed was to be put into the washing machine. I had been doing the menu's at the time (because it was all I could really do with a cut finger) so I called Jeff over and showed him how to them. Connie, when she heard that I was going to explain to him how to do it, came over and stood over his shoulder to make sure I told him the "right way" to do it. I talked to Kurt, because I would have screamed at Connie, and told him that she ordered me to do the dishes, but I couldn't because of my finger. He understand completely and was already annoyed with her. She also got on Amy's case because she didn't count out the correct amount of bacon to go on the BLT she was making, she was like one off. Connie had only been at the store 3 weeks and only got away with everything because she wanted to open her own store. Yet she hardly did any work at all and Bob (the owner) eventually fired her because she was worthless. She never did open her own store.

Old Friends

I finally got to go see Allison around that time. It was a two hour drive and my tires finally decided to give out on me. I was about twenty minutes away and Allison and her husband had to come get me. Luckily a nice man stopped to help me change the tire because I didn't have a car jack. It was a great meeting after years of not talking to each other, I said "Fancy meeting you here. Come here often?" when they pulled up behind me on the side of the highway. We picked up her little baby girl Alice Rose (cutie) and went back to her place. We spent hours talking before I left, it was so much fun. Allison was one of the first old friends to get a hold of me and Alice was the third baby born to a friend of mine. Liam was born to Thomas and Zoe was born to Heath before.

Speaking of Heath, I got to see him a month or so after that. It was great to see him even though the news was not pleasant. I can't think of anyone who would enjoy knowing their friends are being sent into danger. He was upset about it, but everyone was there reassuring him that things would be ok. I was afraid for him, but I had complete faith that there were things that would keep him safe. No matter how he came back, I knew that he would because a long time ago he promised me that he would never truly leave me. No matter what happened, body or spirit, he would be back. His fight, his pain, was not in vain in anyway. He has so many people that love him and who will continue loving him no matter what he does or where he is. Heath is one of those people who you can't help but love. Not the "in love" kind of love (although I did at one point), but the unconditional friendship kind of love were you can't help but (want, love, need, help, etc.) them and you can't not miss them.

Heath got very drunk that night because, he said, he wanted to enjoy his last night here with all his friends. I think he just wanted something to take his mind off of things. Yet that didn't work because Heath gets very truthful when he is drunk. He also, when drunk, has a level of sincerity that I could never match. Heath said to me once while we were walking to John's house (as talked about previously) that, "I love Tiffany (Rod.) because she has been there for me and I love Desarae because I am in love with her. It doesn't work that way for you because I don't want it too". Yet after that night, whether I am being sentimental or not, I know Heath cares about me. Even if he doesn't want to let on that he does.

I wish I could say that the night ended on a happy note, but it didn't. Heath had asked me to stay with him that night and so I called Chris to tell him. Well Chris took it the wrong way, among other things, and showed up at the house out of nowhere and said that either I had to go home with him or that he was staying there with me. I left, not wanting to bother Heath and the others with it and gave him a royal lecture when we got back to his house. I let him know that that could have been the last time I saw Heath alive and that if he EVER did anything like that again I would leave him. The good news out of all of this was that Heath came back safely.

During that time I also got in touch with another old friend, Jon. He came back from Florida, unwillingly, after a friend had screwed him over and came to visit a few times. The first time he came over we talked for like 9 hours and then, because we were both very tired, fell asleep in my bed. I didn't think it was that big of a deal (we were clothed and everything), but Chris went crazy about it. Just to people sleeping in a bed, what's the big deal? The big deal was that he didn't know Jon and was jealous because I had been with Jon before. Chris always gets that way around people I was with before him. It is so very irritated, especially since he denies it.

One good thing about Jon coming back was I got to talk to him more. During one such talk, while online, he asked if he could all me. I said of course and the phone rang not a second later. He had called to tell him that I was a very important person to him, his best female friend and that if I ever needed anything at all he would be there for me in a heartbeat. He had me in tears because it was just so sweet and out of the blue. Hearing that you mean that much to someone is really something special. Jon, I feel the same way.

On another happy note, a few months after Heath's going away party I completed my college courses. I graduated in May of 2006 with a Bachelor's in Psychology. It was really odd for awhile having nothing to do except work. It took awhile to get used to the fact that I was now an adult and had to do everything on my own, but having been doing it halfway for the past few years helped. During my last semester Chris came out of nowhere and said we might be moving to New Jersey so he could get a very nice job with his friend Josh. It was sort of crazy after that with the will we and won't we. In the end Chris said he wanted to finish his schooling here so we never went, for the better I say.

One Thursday Afternoon

On Wednesday night I went to bed and expected to run errands all day on Thursday. I got up at 9am and drove to my gynecologist for a physical. While driving I noticed my car was acting funny ....smoke coming out of the hood funny. I made it to my appointment and before noon I had had three needles stuck in me, so now both my arms hurt. While heading home, my car sprang a huge leak and I had to pull over. I called Chris to come get me and then called my parents to tell them about what had happened. Talking to Dad was ok and he said he would come look at the car later. Mom went off on some random tangent about how I needed to get a new job, wtf? Anyway, Chris showed up and drove me home. I talked to dad a bit more and then Chris, helping me out but not being very nice about it, took me to do my errands.

While I was telling him about how annoying this day was getting, he went off and basically said that he didn't want to hear it because it made him annoyed and frustrated. My reaction to that was "if I can't vent to my boyfriend about bad days then who can I? Venting is natural and healthy and usually necessary to make me feel better as it helps me feel that I am not alone in this." But no, he can't be bothered with that. The worst thing was when he said "I'm just doing what needs to be done" when I thanked him for helping me. Could he possible make it sound more like a chore?? I mean "needs to be done"....just the tone he used made it sound like he was being forced to drive me around just to he could get it over with and do what he really wanted to do. Talk about making you feel like a burden. He also said "whenever anything happens with you the timing is off so I have just come to deal with it". Thanks.

That morning I had gotten three shots and that afternoon I had my teeth cleaned, my doing though because I scheduled everything on the same day. After the dentist, I really wanted to get some food because I hadn't eaten anything yet, but dad wanted to go get my car. He filled up something in the car with water and we drove halfway home. When we stopped to check the car, he said I was crazy because he didn't find any leaks. It drove fine the rest of the way home too, giving my dad even more of a reason to continue telling me how crazy I was. He said it was my fault the car died because I hadn't put any water in it....what? No one told me, how could I have know? But by saying that, my dad went on a rant about how I should know all about my car and treated me like a retarded five year old.

This all ended around 5:40pm and I had to be at work at 6pm. Chris dropped me off and things kind of got better. My boss gave me free food when he found that I hadn't eaten all day and got really mad when he found out my paycheck had bounced again. I couldn't do much at work because I couldn't use my left arm due to the tetanus shot I had gotten earlier. Chris picked me up afterwards and we went back to my house. I had an annoying chat with my mom about needed a new job, again, and she complained about how dad had to put gas in my car to drive it. I tried to explain to her that I had been on my way to get gas when the car died, but she didn't think it was possible to use as much gas as I did to get were I went (it took 1/4 tank normally, but it can't possibly take 1/4 tank now). Afterwards, I headed to Chris' for the weekend and FINALLY got to sit down and do some of the other work I had been planning on doing but couldn't because of the car dying. It only took me an hour, but it was after midnight when I started.

I had to get up at 10am for work the next morning so I went to set the alarm clock which was located on the headboard over Chris' bed. He was lying there and we chatted for a bit, but then he started complaining about how he didn't like to lay close to the wall because he felt closed in. I said I needed to get the alarm to work and he got mad that I didn't move right away and walked out the door. That pushed me over the edge and I curled up in the corner of the bed (near the wall) and started crying. Chris came back a few minutes later, laid down, and fell asleep. He acted like I wasn't even there. Not even a simple touch to tell me it was ok, he just went to sleep. This made me more upset and I had to go set downstairs to calm down. The ONLY thing I wanted that day was someone I could complain to and have them listen without any reason other than to hear how bad my day was, then try to make me feel better and to help where and however needed simply because they wanted me to be happy again. Yet with Chris, I would never get past the complaining part before he offered to help just to get me to be quiet.

It made me think of a time when we had first been together when he would pick me up from school and not even ask "how was your day?". Never, even though I asked him every time. It also made me think of when Chris told me "if you annoy me and keep telling me the same thing over and over again, I am just gonna get mad about it and not do it because your annoying me." What the hell kind of a philosophy is that? Anyways, the day finally ended at 3:30am when I laid down next to Chris and, surprisingly, fell asleep. I was so happy when the clock went off the next morning, I had been worried that it wouldn't work (it only worked half the time).

A few weekends after that I had some time off from work so I was happy. I was ready to spend the time getting some of my own work done, but Chris stopped that even before I could start. I had wanted to go home (alone) and spend the whole time getting work done, but as soon as I told Chris about it, he came back with "well I was planning on quitting smoking this weekend but I guess I won't because your not gonna be here to help me." What the hell? I understood that he wanted support, but he only brought it up AFTER I said I was going home. He also knew very well that I had wanted some time alone to work. Well that meant I had to bring him with me when I went home, which meant constant bugging with "come lay with me", "lets watch a movie", "I just want to cuddle with you", "play games with me", "come outside with me", on and on. I didn't get as much work done as I had wanted and I was not happy about it. That had been my only time off in weeks and I had to waste it on his bogus claim of quitting smoking. Damn him.

Crooks House

A little while later we moved out and went to live in Chris' parent's old house. It was a small, nice little home which was perfect to start out with. The only draw back was that we had to live with Chris' brother Harry. Harry had just gotten out of prison (within the month) and had gotten so fed up with living in his parent's house that he moved into the old house without his parol officers permission (even though he got it the next day, it was a bad idea). Living with him was such a pain because he is very egotistical and thought that he was "king of the castle", it was his way or the highway. Aside from wanting to get out of our parent's house's, the only reason Chris and I moved in with him was because Chris' parent's had dropped the burden on him to drive Harry everywhere since he didn't have a license. This caused Chris a lot of grief because he was still in school at the time.

Harry was such an asshole those first few months. Everything had to be done his way and he treated me like second class because I was a woman. At one point, when the internet had gone down randomly, he thought Chris had turned it off so he couldn't use it and he threw everything that was ours out of the living and into the tiny computer room. Then he took his router into his room so we couldn't use it. When Chris tried to tell him that the internet just goes down sometimes, he wouldn't admit to any wrong doing and just acted like nothing had happened. It got so bad that Chris' parents had to come have a 'talk' with us about it. Chris' mom was sick of hearing it because Harry had started the habit of calling her every time something happened, and of course, he was the good guy. Well, Chris and I told her the truth about how he was lying to her about a lot of stuff and how he would wait until Chris left to yell at me because he knew he could pull shit on me alone that he couldn't do when Chris was here. At one point, when I wouldn't answer him, he literally threw Chris' computer chair into his desk trying to get me to talk to him. Anyways, she set him straight about who the king was (her and her husband) and told him that he needed to stop trying to have everything his way because it wasn't going to happen. I was glad for that, but I was mad that she had told us off too, we hadn't done anything but live like it was a house with 3 roommates. Not our fault if we fought back when he tried to push us into a corner.

Another thing that bugged the hell out of me during those first few months was that Harry treated the place like a whore house, with women constantly coming and going solely so he could sleep with them. I didn't care about him satisfying his urges, but I did not like the fact that he let these strange women wonder around the house afterwards. He had met all these women online and knew nothing about them, yet let them wonder around like it was nothing. This coming from a guy who yelled at me that certain things I did would cause people to break in and steal all his stuff that he had paid for (bullshit, mommy paid for it). Thankfully that all stopped after Chris' mom had her little 'chat' with him.

During that time I also transferred from the Bellacino's in Lake Orion to the one in Rochester Hills. It was a bad idea. The hours were good and the pay was better but the place was a dump and I hated working there. The boss was cheap and refused to hire anyone after our manager left, that was when it went downhill. There was no set schedule so I was on call like a doctor and the other employees got mad at me when I said I wouldn't work more than I was scheduled to without advance notice. This coming from the other two employees (yes only three of us), one who says he can't work so he can run errands and the other who complains of bogus sickness to get time off and sympathy. I was so happy when they finally got someone new to work there, and even happier when I found out that she had my personality.

Like work, things at home weren't doing to go either. Chris and I got into a fight because I told him he could not come with me to Heath's coming home party because of what he did at Heath's last party (see page seven). He got royally pissed solely because I was telling him he couldn't go somewhere with me and said basically if I went without him then he would leave me. Well, as you can imagine, that pushed me over then edge. I told him that if he wanted to throw 'us' away because I was not allowing him to go somewhere he did NOT deserve to go to in the first place then that was his decision and that I would be gone in the morning, but I was still going. He was pissed yes, but he ended up not doing anything about it. Smart idea, because I really would have left. My friends will always be more important to me than anything. Chris may be a friend, yes, but just because I am in a relationship with him does not give him more power then anyone else.

Other random stuff that happened during that time was that Matt Geczi got married and had a son named Jozsef, who is adorable. Heath had a little baby boy named Mickey, who is also adorbale. And Shell got her own apartment, which made me very happy because she was finally getting away from her parents and starting out on her own. Cassie had also talked about moving with Yoshi down to Arkansas or something for his work, but that never happened.

Lost and New Friends

A while before I moved, I got into a fight with Matty that cost me his friendship. It all started when ICQ popped up with a message about it being his birthday. I, trusting that he had set it to his correct birthdate, sent him a 'Happy Birthday' card. Bad idea. I got an email back saying that it wasn't his birthday and he was mad that I didn't know that. He was also mad that I had said 'I love you' because, apparently, he hates hearing that (first time I had heard that). I tried to explain to him what had happened, but he wouldn't hear it. He said that for claiming to know him as well as I did, l sure didn't. I had no idea where the sudden hostility was coming from, but I did my best to try and straighten things out. But nothing worked, he said "Just testimony to how well you really know and understand me. That's why I believe its best if we don't have communication." I was truly stung. I truly had no idea what had happened and I cried so very hard that day.

In December of 2006 I, along with my friends, had a very bad weekend. It was the weekend were we had two friends die in two separate car crashes within hours of each other. Pat was killed by a semi after dropping a friend of (thankful for that) and Sherry was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from a party. I was the last one she hugged as I left right after she did so you can imagine how hard it was for me. The worst part though was how Katie found out that Pat had died. They were going out at the time and she had been looking in the paper for Sherry's obituary; she found his instead. She sent me a message on AIM and I went over there immediately, but there was nothing I could do.

The whole thing was just screwed up and everyone was feeling bad. I felt so bad that I actually sent a message to Matty saying that I didn't care if he didn't want to talk to me, but I still cared about him. He said sorry for my lose, but basically was a total ass about everything else. In the finally email I sent to him I told him that "if loving you means that I can't talking to you again then it is a price I will gladly pay." I meant that and I haven't spoken to him since. Breaks my heart, but I will never stop caring about him.

To cheer things up, that's right about the time I started talking to Mandee. Out of the blue I get this message saying someone named Mandee has invited me to join a Sailor Moon Card Trading Yahoo Group. I decided 'what the hell' and joined and it was a great idea! Not only did a lot of good things happen because of the group, I made a new friend in Mandee. She became more then just someone to trade with and we started talking almost every night. Just another name to add to my list of good friends.

Home

One night in early spring 2006, Harry and I got into a huge fight. Such a big one that I drove home to my parents house because I wanted my mom. It was over the stupid thing too and we all learned that night that Harry is a freaking crazy bastard who is completely illogical. Anyway, my parents would not let me stay in a house with someone who treated me so badly and so they had me move back home. It was so nice to not feel like I was constantly being watched. I was able to relax and enjoy myself. Well at least, until I went over to see Chris. Every time I would go over to see Chris and stay the night cause I had to work in the morning, Harry would throw a fit and complain to his mom about me being there. But one time he made the mistake of complaining to Chris' dad (his step-dad) who promptly told Chris that Harry was mental unstable and that they wanted him to move out and get away from him.

It was bittersweet news for me, kind of like 'it took you this long to realize that??' Yet rather then go home and stay with his parents, Chris came to stay with me at my parents house because he wanted to be with me again. It was very nice to have him around like always but not have to worry about Harry being an asshole. That left Harry all alone with no one to drive him anywhere and no one to depend on. I firmly believed he would either go insane or get himself arrest again because he is an idiot. Time will tell.

Speaking of moving, Cassie got herself a new house around that time and started to fix it up, along with help from the family of course. It was nice to see Cassie getting on her feet again. She had been living with the parents for awhile then and was just now moving out (even though she said the stay would only be temporary it was more like a year or two). But it had been good for her and not like my mom was gonna say no.

Chris graduated in May during all that and he went looking for jobs. He didn't care where they were as long as they paid enough and it was something he enjoyed doing. I minded a bit because I didn't want to leave my family and friends, but I wanted to be with him and knew that we had to start a life together somehow. As he said, 'it will be good to get out on our own and have to deal with everything ourselves.'

I'll just have to see how this all turns out because right now, we are still at my parents waiting to see where he gets a job.

That's a good place to leave it...