I was watching Taboo today, a show about “taboo” subjects like how to raise a child or what is beautiful, and the topic for this episode was sex. It made me think about my last job and how one of my ex-coworkers found my “orientation” incredibly strange. He was doing the “typical” thing though and combining my sexual preferences, my affectionate preferences, and my relationship preferences. I was equally annoyed with the show which, of course, wanted to focus more on the “scandalous” things such as swingers who only do it for the sex (not all do, just saying that’s what the show focused on).
It didn’t so much get me thinking about my own preferences when it came to all this, as those I have known for ages, but it annoyed me that even a show which is supposed to be exploring how different cultures do different things is still very much closed-minded and sometimes portrays those different cultures as bad or wrong. In a world where we’re trying to expand and accept, why do people still generalize and shun? I understand the whole straight people not liking homosexuals blah blah but there is this whole culture out there who claims to be so open about sex and relationships and even they can’t “help” themselves.
I was recently looking at the website for an asexual organization and it claimed that if you have ever been aroused by another human being then you weren’t asexual yet you can be aroused by anything else so long as it’s not human…. what? This isn’t really shun but it does go along with the whole generalizing issue. The site claims that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction… umm that means no arousal for anything by those standards deary. People attack what they don’t understand so I can accept the whole shunning issue (even though I fight against it) but why must people generalize to the point that they make their own stance completely unintelligent??
Let me explain something: asexuality doesn’t mean you’re not aroused by something (human, animal, color, letter of the alphabet, whatever), it just means you have a lack of interest in the act of sexual intercourse and, perhaps, aren’t really aroused by much if anything. I really hate people who generalize and think everything falls under one big blanket that can be explained in one sentence… I equally hate people who categorize things to death as well so we need to find the happy medium. My sexual preferences are NOT the same as my affection preference, and nether of those are the same as my relationship preferences. I am an asexual pan-ployromantic polyamorist. Yes, it’s longer and harder to say than “I’m bisexual”, which is what people who think there are only three types of “orientations” would call me, but I like it that way because it covers all three types of personal interaction rather than trying to group them all together. It also describes me very well rather than having to go back and try to pick apart “bisexuality” and redefine it over and over again.
What it means: Asexual – I have a lack of interest in all sexual acts, I honestly think of it often as a waste of time (I know, CRAZY ain’t I?). I don’t abstain from doing them and I do feel arousal for others, but I would much rather do something like cuddle up and watch a movie than have sex 90% of the time and can easily go long periods without sex (to the “normal” person that would be “hard times” :P). This, of course, does not mean I have never had a meaningful sexual relationship or that I never enjoy myself during sex, I just don’t think it’s the “best thing ever” like we’re told it is; pan-ployromantic – I am attracted romantically (and because of this sort of sexually as well) to all genders (pan) [yes there are more than 2 in some cultures!] and can love more than one person at once (ploy); ployamorist – I have relationships (both romantic and sometimes physical) with more than one person at the same time (how these relationship connect depends on the people involved). This brings me to my current relationship which is a singular one with my long, long, long term boyfriend Chris (over 10 years and still just with him cause he’s special :D). I have my preferences, but I also take into account my partner’s thoughts and wishes. Chris wants a monogamous relationship and I am fine with that because I love him dearly. I still have feelings for other people, but I don’t go out and have affairs or anything like that which is what some people immediately think off when you say ploy- anything.
My point in all this jabbering is that people need to stop being so close minded about their supposedly open minded views. Stop shunning people who are different simply because they love people a different way. So long as everyone in that relationship is happy what the hell difference does it make? And, while I have your minds on the subject, trying thinking about your own preferences outside the limits of the generalized “normal” views that link all three types of personal interactions together into only three “orientations.” Sex, love, and relationships are so much more than that and I hope people wake up to that soon because all three are wonderfully different things and I hate to see people limit their potential with close mindedness. Go forth and explore!